As much as you may think you want to,
don’t get a divorce or kick your partner out in the first year of having a new baby.

Does this sound familiar to you?

You and your significant other decide that you are ready to have a baby.  The pregnancy is great, you discuss how wonderful it will be, you are so excited, your husband says he’ll share the responsibilities and everything will be hunky-dory (just wonderful).

Then the baby arrives and you are absolutely sure that you must have lost your mind to sign up for this. Where is the help that was promised, why did your perfectly sane husband goes crazy and turn into one big baby?

I’ll tell you what happened, when you were making the plans for the baby and how the responsibilities would be shared, you were having two completely different conversations. The words seemed understandable, but the meaning was different to each partner. What we have to remember is that men and women do not speak the same language. I like to use the analogy of English from England and English from Canada. It’s supposed to be the same language but there are many times that I’m talking to my friend in England and something gets lost in translation… it’s the same thing for men & women. 

Let’s take a typical conversation that most first time expectant parents have (I say first time b/c the second time around we already know what we are getting into)

Wife: Okay so we’ll split everything 50/50 and you’ll help with the baby right…?

Husband: yes of course, I want to be there 100%, I will be there to support you and help you anyway that I can.

Sounds simple enough right? Wrong

I’ll now translate, this conversation for what each of these sentences actually mean;

Wife: When the baby arrives, you will do all the basics such as feeding, bathing, diaper change, watching her so that I can sleep (and by watching I mean actually watching, not putting her in the swing while you watch TV, because that’s not really watching, what if when you are watching TV she somehow manages to get herself out of the swing and fall and hurt herself… so I mean really watching her b/c otherwise I won’t feel safe enough to sleep).
 Also, you will cook b/c I will be too tired to do this b/c I’m only getting sleep in two hour increments. You help with the laundry, I will do the baby’s laundry because it has to be done in a special way (wash, rinse, rinse again… and maybe a third time b/c she has sensitive skin).
The doctor says I should take it easy for the first six weeks so I won’t be doing anything around the house, you will have to help with this. You will grocery shop b/c I will be too tired to do this and since you love me so much and you are so excited about the baby, you will have no problem doing any of this b/c all the other husbands do this (we really honestly think this before we start talking to other moms).  You will also wake up in the middle of the night and watch the baby so that I can go back to sleep b/c I have a pump and there is pumped milk in the fridge, you will just have to warm it up and give it to the baby. 

So the simple statement of “You’ll help” actually meant this and more to us and we didn’t think we had to spell it out because EVERY body knows that a new mom needs rest and will need lots of help and besides you love me and you are so excited about the baby, you probably plan all of this and a whole lot more.

Now for the meaning of the husband’s answer;

First of all, he didn’t know you meant any of this stuff, he thought you would understand that he still has to work and you are so lucky you the entire year off and you get paid by the government, so how lucky is that, he still has to go into work every day and do ACTUAL work, while you will be at home with the baby resting and playing all day, so you will have time, to do the groceries, laundry, cook, clean and make yourself pretty in time for him to get home, so he thought he’d just have to watch the baby while you put dinner on the table and then the three of you will have dinner in peace with the angelic little baby looking up at both of you adoringly from her swing, then we would all cuddle for a bit then she’ll be sleeping again b/c everyone knows that babies sleep all day… people are always making comments like “sleeping like a baby”, so once the baby goes back to sleep we would get some rest and good husband that he is, he will put the dishes in the dishwasher and make you a cup of tea and he would have “helped you anyway that he can” and be there 100% and anyways, why would you need him to wake up in the middle of the night, he doesn’t have bubbies  (this is more for moms who are nursing) and he knows if you go down and start nursing the baby, he’ll go back to sleep and everyone can have a good night of rest. 

So you see… two completely different interpretation of what seems like such simple statements. 

So the #1 reason not to kick your husband out is, they are clueless as to the way we think, so we have to spell it out… we have to tell them exactly what we are thinking and what we want them to do… Yes it will always be this way, men just do not understand… and they can’t, b/c they are built differently.

I would love to hear your comments. I will posting the #2 reason in a few days.

Life with a baby... is lifelong learning process

I often have dreams where something happens to my son in daycare, while I'm at work. It's hard to explain the level of paranoia that I am experiencing the second I wake up. My husband and I have selected a wonderful daycare, which has been praised by my two friends, and I have seen their kids happy there. It's just the idea that someone else will be taking care of my child.. and it just doesn't settle in my head yet..

by Tracy Hogg, author of Secrets of the Baby Whisperer for Toddlers

Angel Toddler

The Angel Toddler was "good as gold" when she was a baby. Usually very social, this child is immediately comfortable in groups and can fit into most situations. She often develops language earlier than her peers or at least is clearer when making her needs known. When she wants something she can't have, it's fairly easy to distract her before her emotions escalate. And when she's really out of sorts, it's fairly easy to calm her before she gets to the tantrum stage. At play, she has a lot of staying power at a single task. This is a child who's easy and highly portable. Even when traveling, she can go with the flow and shift gears easily.

Textbook Toddler

As in infancy, the Textbook Toddler is right on time with developmental milestones. You could say she does everything by the book. She's generally pleasant in social situations but can be shy at first with strangers. She's most comfortable in her own environment, but if outings are planned well, and you give her sufficient time and preparation, she won't have much trouble adapting to new surroundings. This is a child who loves routine and likes to know what's coming next.

Touchy Toddler

True to her baby self, the Touchy Toddler is sensitive and typically slow to adapt to new situations. She likes the world ordered and knowable. She hates to be interrupted when engrossed. For instance, if she's deeply involved with a toy or a puzzle and you ask her to stop, she gets upset and is likely to cry. It's this toddler who is often labeled "shy." It's true that a Touchy toddler may not do well in social gatherings, especially if she feels pushed, and she often has difficulty sharing. But if she's left to do things at her own pace, she can mature into a thoughtful, sensitive thinker, a child who weighs situations carefully and likes to ponder problems.

Spirited Toddler

The Spirited Toddler is extremely active physically, often willful, and may be prone to temper tantrums. She is very social and curious and will point to objects and reach out for them and for other kids early on. This child is the consummate adventurer; she will have a go at anything and is very determined. She displays a great sense of achievement when she accomplishes something. At the same time, she needs very clear boundaries so that she doesn't act like a steamroller, trampling anyone or anything in her path. Once they start crying, Spirited Toddlers have stamina and staying power, so you're in for a long haul if you don't have a good routine going. Given good guidance and an outlet for her energy, however, a Spirited Toddler can become a leader and very accomplished in whatever area interests her.

Grumpy Toddler

The Grumpy Toddler is angry, obstinate and needs things to be her way. If you force yourself on her before she's ready to be picked up, expect major squirming action. If you try to show her how to do something, she'll push your hand away. Because she likes her own company best, she's great at independent play. However, she may lack the staying power needed to learn or complete a task and is therefore easily frustrated. When upset, she's prone to crying as if it's the end of the world. Because this toddler often finds it hard to express herself, she also may become a biter or pusher. Grumpy Toddlers have to do things on their own schedule. The pushier you are, the more stubborn they'll be. At the same time, grumpy children are "old souls" -- they tend to be insightful, resourceful and creative, and sometimes even wise, acting as if they've been here before.

I am really tired, but I can't sleep... why?  Well, because I'm a bubble head who had coffee at 10pm.  Every Thursday night is my girls night out and usually I go for dinner or a movie with my friends.  Today however, I had a lot of work to do and didn't get it all done in time for dinner or a movie so I decided to go out with my friend to Second cup. On my way there, I told myself I was going to have herbal tea... but I walked in, looked up at the menu and decided on a medium vanilla bean latte AND chocolate brownie cheesecake - Yikes.  

I got home at 11, took a nice long shower and got into bed... 11:30 I was still not asleep, I started thinking of all the things I didn't get done, things I have to do tomorrow and became even more awake. 12am - I'm still awake so I decide to read a book to calm myself and try to fall asleep - I couldn't concentrate on the book because my mind kept going over the things that didn't get done and tomorrow is Friday, so if  I want to be able to have a calm weekend with Denys and Katelyn I have to do it ALL tomorrow.  I know I will not be able to do it all on Friday (which is actually today - now), so I decided to do some a few things - since I'm awake anyways... so I managed to get most of things that don't require making too much noise done (because the last thing I want to do is wake up Katelyn)

Hopefully now I will be able to go upstairs and get some sleep - and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that Katelyn won't wake up until atleast 7am.

The moral to the story - don't drink coffee at in the evening... 

Why is it that when I'm really, really tired and had an exhausting day that I can't fall asleep? 

by Jackie Needleman

Reading to Your Child

Babies love to listen to the human voice -- reading, singing and expressive talking are ideal activities. Take your cue from the baby as to how much stimulation to provide.

1. Start out by singing lullabies and folk songs to your baby. When your baby is about six months old, choose books with brightly-colored, simple pictures and lots of rhythm in the text.

2. Select books are made of cardboard or cloth with flaps to lift and holes to peek through.

3. Hold your baby in your lap so she can see the colorful pages of the book. Include books that show pictures and names of familiar objects.

4. As you read with your baby, point out objects in the pictures. Pat the Bunny by Dorothy Kunhardt is a classic touch-and-feel book for babies.

5. Vary the tone of your voice with different characters in the stories, sing nursery rhymes and make funny faces. Do whatever special effects you can to stimulate your baby's interest.

6. As you read to your baby, your child is forming an association between books and what is most loved -- your voice and closeness. Allowing your baby to handle books will help deepen their attachment.

7. When reading to your baby, keep the sessions brief, but read each day and often.

 8. Take time to be with your baby. Take walks, playing in the park and simply explore the great outdoors. Talk to your baby      naming trees, flowers, bugs, butterflies, dogs, cats, etc. when you see them.
 
 9. As you play with your infant/baby, name the toy you are playing with and tell him/her about it's characteristics such as, the toy's color, shape and size.

10. Have soft toys (with no sharp edges or small parts/pieces) for your baby. Try to get toys that wash easily.

11. Stack items, such as blocks, plastic kitchen bowls, plastic bottles, shoe boxes, margarine containers or Tupperware.

12. Teach your baby how to sort, starting with colored wooden blocks.

13. Help your baby learn to put puzzles together, making sure they are age-appropriate and safe.

14. Increase your baby's eye/hand coordination by rolling a ball.

15. Encourage your child to work along with you as you complete household chores. Play together by putting toys, clothes and plastic containers in drawers or cupboards.

16. Play soft music that has a steady beat.

17. Sing your favorite lullabies and other songs to your baby.

18. Give verbal praise. This is very important to your baby.

Do you have more ideas?
Would love to hear from you.
Thanks,
Marina

It was a very special (and surprising) moment when my husband and I sat our baby boy on the couch next to us. Our son was sitting up on his own watching television with my husband and I - while having the most interested look in the movie that was playing on tv. Ever since then, we realized that whenever the tv is on, his attention turns to what is playing, and he starts to smile and talk. Our son is only 3.5 months old right now...

is there any chance these could be done in the mornings on either Saturday or Sunday?  Afternoons are difficult due to babies' nap times.

Is there anyone else interested in a morning playdate on the weekends?  If so please post the time and location that works best for you.   Now that it's getting cooler we will be holding some of our playdates indoors

Thanks
Alexia

Hi,

One of our members have a family friend who is 16 years old and pregnant.  If you have any unisex clothing, toys or other baby items that you do not need and would like to donate please post a message here. 

Thanks,
Alexia

Hello, I have a variety of 0 - 6 months baby girl clothing that I would like to donate. I also have a Papasan Cradle Swing that I would like to donate.

Please advise if  these items are needed.

Thanks to Chandra for this wonderful donation. If you know anyone who is in need of these items please let us know.