If you have mental health issues, exercise can often feel like the last thing you want to do, yet it’s one of the easiest and least intrusive ways to manage mental health. Study after study has shown that physical activity can help lessen feelings of anxiety and depression and help reduce stress. In fact, the Public Health Agency of Canada and the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health both recommend exercise as a way to reduce stress and promote mental well-being. Exercise has been demonstrated to be effective in treating depression, anxiety, and insomnia. The best part about this is that it doesn’t have to be regularly scheduled exercise in a gym (though it certainly can be), it just needs to be a total of 30 minutes of physical activity (3 x 10 minutes or 2 x 15 minutes work just as well as 30 minutes at a time) between 3 and 5 times a week. Here are some of the ways that exercise can help promote mental health.

Better sleep

Regular exercise can help improve the quality and duration of sleep. Not only that, but exercising in the morning or early afternoon can help to reset the sleep / wake cycle – which is a great way to beat things like jet lag, and recover from a few too many late nights. When you don’t get enough quality sleep, you are less able to small stressors and that can steamroll and negatively affect anxiety and depression. Conversely, getting a good night’s sleep can improve feelings of mental wellness. It’s worth noting that vigorous exercise in the 2 hours before you want to sleep has been shown to negatively affect the ability to fall asleep in many people so to maximize the benefits of exercising for sleep, plan your workouts accordingly.

Reduced Stress

Research has shown that something as simple as a 10 minute walk at a moderate-brisk pace will lower levels of stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline and contribute to a more relaxed feeling. Exercise that focuses on mindfulness, such as yoga, can help interrupt the flow of negative thoughts that is common to sufferers of anxiety. Stress also causes physical discomfort, including muscle tightness through the neck and shoulders, and can negatively affect sleep patterns - both of which can be ameliorated by regular workouts and the stretching / cool down processes that follow a workout. It’s interesting to note that one of the ways scientists believe exercise helps with anxiety is through repeated exposure and desensitization to common anxiety reactions such as increased heart rate and perspiration. So not only can exercise help reduce anxiety and stress you already have, but it can help prevent anxiety and stress in the future.

Happy Chemicals

Can exercise actually make you happy? Well, that’s up for debate, but exercising has been proven to aid in the release of endorphins which do elevate mood. This is what accounts for the ‘runner’s high’ – the feeling many runners experience after a run that helps them ignore the pain. Endorphins go to the pain receptors in the brain and fill them, which reduces the perception of pain. Endorphins also help boost your mood, triggering feelings of satisfaction and optimism. Exercise also triggers the body to release serotonin which can help alleviate symptoms of depression.

We all agree that exercising is important to physical health. It can help to treat and prevent conditions such as heart disease, diabetes, and obesity. Recent evidence is showing that regular exercise (30 minutes, 3-5 times a week) can help improve mental wellness as well as physical wellness. It’s not a magic bullet - exercise cannot replace medical advice and you certainly shouldn’t just stop any medication because you’ve started working out, but as part of a holistic approach to mental health, exercise can do wonders for your mental well-being.

Recently I’ve been going to Orangetheory fitness to get strong and fit. While I’m at my ideal size and weight I was really out of shape. After just 2 months at the gym I see a huge improvement in my mood, my body composition and my energy.  So much so that a few days ago I was debating if I should go and hubby said: “go, you are so much better when you exercise’.  It’s true. I am.

When an expecting mother goes on maternity leave, there’s a general assumption that what she’ll come back to when she returns will be the same job she left. Any woman who has gone on mat leave once, however, knows this isn’t always the case. A year, which is what mothers in Canada have traditionally been allowed by the government to have (it has since extended to an optional 18 months), is a long time in any business. A lot can change, including a person’s role or job description.

This is exactly what happened to me during my first mat leave – the company restructured while I was gone, and my job disappeared. I kept the same pay rate, so technically it was legal, but I was essentially demoted. I didn’t bother fighting for the right to maintain my job duties, because I was only working part time and it wasn’t a “career,” but it made me realize there’s a reason some women feel a huge amount of stress while on maternity leave.

If you end up suffering from a postpartum mood disorder, that stress can spiral out of control. There continues to be an enormous stigma attached to postpartum depression, and a woman who is suffering from it may fear repercussions in the workplace upon her return. What if your boss happens to be the type of person who assumes that postpartum depression is the same as postpartum psychosis? Many women may be afraid to talk about their PMAD openly due to how it may affect her role when she returns to work.

In addition, there are so many people–including healthcare providers–who assume that postpartum mood & anxiety disorders end one year after giving birth. According to research, however, recovery time greatly depends on a number of factors. These include how long it took to be diagnosed and treated, what things are like in the rest of your life, and how effective the treatment you’re in is for you. All of this to say, you may find that as you approach the end of your maternity leave, you still don’t feel stable enough to return to work. 

Having a healthcare provider who understands that PMAD don’t abruptly stop at the one year mark can make the difference for any woman who needs to apply for long-term disability, as they continue treatment. There are members of our community who have struggled with this exact issue, and it’s one of the things we need to advocate for in Canada. Healthcare providers need to be properly trained in postpartum mood and anxiety disorders, so we don’t leave mothers facing the possibility of having to return to work while still incapacitated or losing their job.

January 31 has come to be known as Bell Let’s Talk Day, and anyone who advocates for those struggling with mental illness can be found on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram using the hashtag #BellLetsTalk. Every single time someone used the hashtag on January 31, beginning in 2011, Bell donated $0.05 to mental health initiatives. Over the past 8 years, the number of interactions has more than doubled to a whopping 138,000,000.

Not once in those 8 years has the Bell Let’s Talk initiative mentioned maternal mental health.

Many of you reading the blog already understand the importance of making space for maternal mental health, but for anyone who isn’t convinced, let’s break it down. Postpartum depression and anxiety are, in many ways, different that other mood disorders. While having a mood disorder gives new moms a predisposition toward developing PMAD, the overall rate of moms who experience PMAD is higher than that of the general population. It’s not like other forms of depression or anxiety, and while many moms already know it, the study mentioned in this HuffPost article confirms it: the PPD that a new mom experiences manifests in the brain differently than a major depressive episode or generalized anxiety disorder. 

There’s already so much stigma attached to women experiencing a postpartum mood disorder, thanks to the societal expectations that new moms should be happy and content with their new baby, and that motherhood comes naturally. Anyone who’s a mom can attest to how wrong those assumptions are, how much pressure those expectations create. Add to that the fact that a major player in mental health advocacy, Bell Let’s Talk Day, isn’t mentioning anything about postpartum mood disorders, and the stigma only increases.

This year, Claire Ziobin created a new hashtag in the hopes of getting Bell’s attention: #BellLetsTalkMaternalMentalHealth. Claire enlisted the help of fellow advocates, Sarah Beckel, Patricia Tomasi, Shannon Henning, and Lisa Tremayne, along with other supporters, and got some serious traction. Personal stories about postpartum depression and anxiety were being shared on social media with the hashtag, and those posts were being shared by others. 

It was amazing to see the hashtag grow across all social media platforms throughout the day. Right now, #BellLetsTalkMaternalMentalHealth has 16.5 million impressions on Twitter alone! 

It also, finally, has the attention of Bell. The chair of Bell Let’s Talk Day reached out to Claire the next day to start a conversation about broadening and deepening the conversation about mental health. 

Hopefully, this is the start of a beautiful relationship.

When I think of Valentine’s Day, I think of the heart symbol. This year for Christmas, I bought crochet hearts for my research team Dr. Sheila O’Keefe-McCarthy & Dr. Karyn Taplay. Through Sheila & Karyn, in my role as a research assistant, I have learned a lot about early warning signs that can happen up to two years before other signs and symptoms of when the heart doesn’t work properly!

When I think about heart attacks, I think of the media image of an older male clutching his chest with a facial expression of pain. The work of Dr. O’Keefe-McCarthy, and others, is asking people who have had a heart attack about their experiences to try to move beyond this image.  

I have been privileged to sit in on interviews with women. They readily shared their stories of their heart event (some had experienced a heart attack, others could get medical help before it reached that point, such as bypass surgery or stents.)

These women were also asked about their very early warning signs. These can happen 3-24 months before the heart event. These include fatigue and anxiety. Most women I know feel fatigue often, and we also brush off these symptoms, as we are busy caring for others, managing the motherload as some say.

The other symptoms include increasing anxiety, unusual fatigue, arm pain/ discomfort, shortness of breath, gastrointestinal complaints, chest discomfort/ pain, jaw pain, back/ shoulder blade pain, dizziness, sleep disturbance, headaches.

I feel it is important to get this information out and to have these discussions with family and friends, especially if anyone in your circle have a history of heart disease or other risk factors. Risk factors include high blood pressure, abnormal cholesterol, obesity, smoking, stress and family history of heart disease.

If you experience any of these, or have any concerns or questions, talk to your health care provider. Also, pass this information on to your family and friends so that everyone knows this information – all year long, but also during February for heart month! 

For more information, please visit https://brocku.ca/applied-health-sciences/nursing/faculty-research/faculty-directory/sheila-okeefe-mccarthy/ 

Allison Bowman 
Community Manager - Niagara Region
Masters Candidate, Brock University, Applied Health Science

When I decided to run one of the Workshops for Life With A Preterm Baby as a "Building NICU Memory Boxes" it was because I needed to do it. If I felt like I wanted to "seal" that journey as a memory in a shadow box, many other Preemie Parents like myself must also feel that way. 

The attention was astounding - so many Parents wanting to share their NICU journeys with one another, to share their keepsakes, and to capture those Memories in a display.

During the time my daughter was going through her 91 day NICU journey, I collected a lot of items. Her first pacifier, her first outfit that actually "kind of" fit her, a Preemie diaper, and the dozens of hospital bracelets that she went through as she grew. These items sat in a box in my closet for almost 5 years. I knew one day I would be strong enough to revisit the items.

On Thursday, I joined other Parents of Preemies in Mississauga at the Port Credit Library. We sat in a circle, shared our stories - some Veteran Moms, some recent Graduates. We sat and listened to one another, and a sense of Community was there. It was emotional, therapeutic and quite frankly magical. To see these Moms come together to talk with others who "got it" was inspiring. My heart felt so full to be able to be part of a group of peers supporting one another. 

We all pulled out our boxes of Memories. Some had blood pressure cuffs, Oxygen lines, and name tags from the Incubator. This was the therapy we all needed. Revisiting our journeys, sharing it, and sealing it in a shadow box - our way of displaying some form of "Award" or "Certificate" to show what our precious little ones achieved while they did their time in the NICU.  The magic about this is, you can add to the shadow box whenever you'd like.

For my daughter's, I included:
- her first pacifier which was almost half the size of her face
- her first hospital bracelet that was still to large it kept falling off
- the first outfit a nurse put her in at 30 weeks & 6 days )which had to be rolled at the sleeve twice, and it's a preemie size)
- her head piece from her Baptism on World Prematurity Day (November 17)

   


Here's the final piece:

If you want to make your own, here's what we used:

FIND
Items you've saved from your Journey
Some examples of what the group brought:
- Hospital Bracelet
- First Outfit
- Blood Pressure Cuffs
- Preemie Diaper
- Pacifier
- Foot print Art
- Going home outfit
- Name tag from Incubator
- Oxygen lines

TO PURCHASE (purchased from the local Art Store*)
- Shadow Box (11"x14") 
- Pearl Top pins
* Keep an eye out for 50% off one item coupons!

STEPS

1. Sit down, with some time to reflect on the journey you had. This is important as it may trigger some emotions. Share this experience with your Partner, a parent, or maybe even your child. Discuss the items and why they're important to you. This is part of the healing.
   
2. Remove the backing place the items from your Memory Box that you want displayed on the backing. 
   
3. Continue moving the placement around until you are happy. 
   
4. Use the pins, inserting on an angle through the item and the backing to to keep the items in place (the backing is padded)
   
5. Place the backing back when you are satisfied with all the items and their placement.
   

“How old is your son,” asked the patient sitting next to me.  “He is a week old,” I replied as I handed over a picture that I carried around of my only son, Landon.  “I also carry this miniature bottle of baby shampoo around so I can smell Landon whenever I want.  It is comforting to me.  I just miss him so much.” 

That is one of the many conversations I had while I was being treated for postpartum psychosis six days after my first and only child was born.  At the time, the psychosis had its tight hold on me.  In the midst of my mind breaking into a million pieces, my son remained to be a priority and on the forefront of my shattered mind.  My love for Landon had no bounds.  Even postpartum psychosis and the severe postpartum depression that followed could not take that love from my heart.

I believe a misconception people have about mothers suffering from a postpartum mood disorder is that the suffering mother doesn’t have a bond with their child or that they don’t feel a love for their child.  I can honestly say that I was able to bond with my son despite having the illness and that I loved him very much through my illnesses.

I started displaying symptoms of psychosis almost immediately after my son was born.  I was so afraid that something was going to happen to my new baby.  I was desperate to protect him from kidnappers, germs…everything.  I remember when I started losing touch with reality; I still wanted to protect my new baby.  I was home alone with my son and I was pacing with him in the kitchen.  I did not know what to do.  The voices were telling me that my son was going to be taken away from me.  Even though my mind was shattering, I was able to pull out of it long enough to call my mom and tell her to come over right away.  As soon as she entered the house, I handed over my son knowing that he would be safe.  That was the last time I held him in my arms before I was admitted to the hospital.

While I was in the hospital, I was frantic to continue breastfeeding.  I was unaware that my husband had made the decision a day before to switch Landon to formula because it was too stressful for me.  I ran up to the hospital staff and told them I was a new mother and I needed to pump so my baby could receive the nourishment he needed.  The staff knew I was no longer breastfeeding, but because of my fragile condition, they offered to allow me to pump in the hospital.  I remember when my husband told me the truth, that I was not going to breastfeed anymore due to the hospitalization and the medication I was taking.  It devastated me.  I felt like the one thing that I was doing right, the one thing that made me feel close to my baby, was being taken from me.  I cried so much.  It broke my heart.  I am so grateful that I was able to breastfeed at all, even if it was just for five days.  I believe that because of that, I was able to bond with Landon.  It was such a special time that I will always treasure.

After I recovered from the postpartum psychosis, I went into severe depression almost immediately.  Four to five weeks after I was released from being treated for postpartum psychosis, I was readmitted for having suicidal thoughts as a result of my postpartum depression.  It would be twice that I would be hospitalized for being suicidal.  Both times, I checked myself into the behavioral health unit of the hospital and had to make the choice to leave my son to seek out treatment.  I recall picking up my things to leave for the hospital and kissing my son one last time before I went.  I looked at my sweet little bundle and just thought I don’t know if I can leave him.  I knew I had to though because I needed to get better so I could be the mommy that he needed me to be.  Leaving my son was so hard, but loving him is what saved my life. 

I spent much of my time in the hospital writing letters to my husband.  The theme of all of the letters was that, 1) I wanted to get well and 2) I wanted to get well so that I could be the very best wife and mommy to my husband and my son.  I would call and check on Landon just so I could hear him in the background.  I remember how good I felt when my husband called me at the hospital because he could not figure out how to stop the baby from crying.  I gave instructions over the phone, I don’t recall exactly what I said now, but you could hear Landon’s cries stop and it was because of me.  I was still loving and mothering my son from the walls of the hospital.

I am still recovering from depression.  I try each and every day to do better than I did the day before.  I loved that little boy before he was here, I loved him through my postpartum mood disorders, and I will love him through this depression.   Landon is my heart and he deserves the best that I can give.  I know now that I deserve the best, too.

My husband and I were prepared for the birth of our son and we felt that we knew what to expect during the first few days of his life. We read the books, took the classes, went to all of our prenatal appointments, and typed out a birth plan.  I don’t think a couple could have prepared any better than we did.  We are Type A personalities after all.  However, the classes, books, and appointments did not in any way prepare us for postpartum psychosis.  The evil illness took us by surprise and almost cost me my life.

The first night I was home from the hospital, I had an awful dream.  It was so vivid that it almost seemed real.  I dreamed that my son disappeared and someone took him from me.  Every time I would go to pick him up, he would vanish and would reappear somewhere different.  I was terrified.  I woke up with tears streaming down my face.  I was hysterical and frightened.  I was so scared to sleep for the rest of the night.  I just watched my new baby sleep and I started writing out lots of schedules.  I create feeding schedules, medication schedules, schedules concerning my son’s dirty diapers and the frequency of his urination and bowel movements, and friend and family visiting schedules.  I was obsessed with charting everything.  My mind was constantly racing.  I would go from one thing to the next not being able to focus on any one thing for too long.  When I finally slept again, I had another terrible nightmare.  It involved my niece being raped and murdered.  It was extremely graphic and gory.  After that, I was afraid to sleep and refused to sleep. 

I started to think that I was dying.  I was so afraid that I was going to die and that I was going to leave my husband to raise our son by himself.  I finally told my mom that I thought I was going to die and that I was just so scared.  I told her I needed to be by myself for awhile and I just lay on my bed and cried and cried.  I couldn’t stop.  I cried myself to sleep and had another terrible nightmare.  

I continued writing out my schedules, which I know now is part of the mania of postpartum psychosis.  I started to become withdrawn and I would just stare into space.  The fear that I was dying was still profound, but I kept it to myself.  I was also so afraid someone was going to take our baby.  I told my husband that he needed to put an alarm system in and that he needed to teach me how to use a gun.  I started to believe that my husband and I were being tested and that every new parent is tested in order to keep their child.  If the parents failed the test, their baby was taken away from them.  I was so scared of “failing the test.”  We went to my son’s first pediatrician’s appointment when he was five days old and I remember hearing voices.  The voices were telling me that my husband was always right and to do whatever he told me to.  I remember the doctor asking me when to feed the baby and I could not answer him.  I was afraid I would give the wrong answer and that they would not let us leave with our baby.  It was terrifying.

The next day, when our son was six days old, we went to the doctor so I could have my staples removed.  I grabbed onto my husband like my life depended on it and screamed as each of the staples was taken out.  In actuality, the staples being removed did not hurt at all.  My behavior was bizarre.  The nurse practitioner asked me questions.  I only remember one…”What would you do if your husband took your son away from you for a few days?”  I answered, “That would be fine.  Whatever he wants to do is fine with me.”  My voice was empty and monotone.  We left that appointment and went home.  We did not learn until much later that they had an emergency meeting about me that day and came to the conclusion that I was suffering from postpartum psychosis.  I was only the second patient in 26 years of practicing that the doctor had served who had postpartum psychosis.  By the time they placed the call to speak to my husband, I was already admitted to another hospital.

I do not recall everything from that time period today.  I recall being left alone with my son and pacing back and forth while the voices in my head were telling me to run out the door naked.  I didn’t listen to the voices that time.  I called my mom and told her to come over right away.  I handed over my infant son to her as soon as she arrived.

I remember being taken to the emergency room the first time.  I would pull myself together and act like everything was OK when the medical staff was in the room and the minute they would leave and I was alone with my mom, I would start talking about how God has chosen us and that God was talking to me.  That went on for 8 hours.  The hospital eventually released me and said it was postpartum anxiety.  I had fooled them all.

Things continued to escalate at home.  I took a short nap and when I awoke I was hysterical.  I thought someone I loved was going to die.  I made everyone promise me that they would be alive and that they would be present when I woke up from sleeping.  My family tried then to get me to the car to take me to a different hospital.  I started to go willingly and then I started to fight my husband.  I told him to get his hands off of me.  I threw his hands away.  He was so surprised by the way I was acting.  An ambulance had to be called.  I was talking crazy and I was an absolute danger to myself.  It was as if all of my deepest fears were coming true and I could not escape them.  It was a living hell.  Thank God my husband called 911 and signed me involuntarily into a behavioral health unit.  I tremble to think what would have happened if he hadn’t. 

Once postpartum psychosis starts, it unfolds so very quickly.  It is imperative that you know the signs and symptoms.  I reached a crisis situation.  But you or your friend or loved one doesn’t have to.  No one told me that if my immediate family members had bipolar, that it would increase my chance of becoming ill with postpartum psychosis.  My mom is bipolar and she experienced postpartum psychosis with the birth of her youngest child.  Had I been asked that question and prepped for postpartum psychosis, maybe things would have unraveled a little less traumatic for me.  I also had suffered a miscarriage before I became pregnant with my son and I experienced a difficult pregnancy with my son.  I was under grave stress before the birth of my son, including bed rest and my husband being laid off from his job.  I then planned for a normal labor and delivery, which turned into a long labor that ended in a surprise and unplanned cesarean.  Combine all of that with total sleep deprivation and it was a perfect recipe for postpartum psychosis.

My doctor said that he would have never thought that I would be one to get postpartum psychosis.  I was an incredibly happy expectant mother.  If it can happen to me, it could in fact happen to anyone.  Please don’t think it can’t happen to you.  Educate yourself on the signs and symptoms of postpartum psychosis.  It could save you or your loved one’s life.

About the Author:

Christina Duepner is an accountant in St. Louis, Missouri.  She lives in the country with her husband of five years, “almost” two year old Landon, and Golden Retriever, Murphy.  She enjoys scrapbooking, reading, shopping, blogging, cooking, and zumba.  Please visit her blog at http://theduepners.blogspot.com.

When I was asked to be a guest blogger and share my experience having postpartum depression (PPD), I was so excited. They wanted me? Really? Wow, am I interesting enough to be a guest blogger?

After my excitement wore off, fear set in. Now that I’m feeling better (PPD free) I find it’s really hard to write about my experience living with depression. Just reading other people’s PPD blogs sucks me into a vortex so deep, it’s hard not to get sucked back into the old feelings of pain, sadness and alienation I felt just a few short months ago. Most times, even just the mention of having PPD makes me sad, and sets off a cry-fest.

But, I know that talking about it is therapeutic – not only for me, but for other mom’s out there who may be experiencing the same emotions, and for husbands trying to figure out how to be supportive in such difficult times.

So, here’s a little bit about me and my story as a postpartum depression surviving momma of one, with another on the way.

I remember the day like it was yesterday. My son was due May 28, 2010 but he decided to cook for an extra 7 days. On June 4, 2010 my husband and I obeyed the doctor’s orders to check in at the hospital, we were going to see if this baby boy was ready to be born. Well, he wasn’t but letting him cook longer wasn’t an option and the induction procedure moved ahead full force. I was a bit nervous to be induced but really wanted to get the show on the road so to speak so I was all for the induction. Not long after the medication had been administered did the baby’s heart rate drop extremely low. Twice the nurses and doctor had to rush in to help get the baby’s heart rate back up. It was so scary and fast. Next thing I knew, the doctor was saying an emergency c-section was needed, we weren’t taking any chances to let the baby’s heart rate drop again, they were worried that he was reacting to the medication, or worst, the umbilical cord may be wrapped around his neck.

Fast forward a few hours, our little boy was born super healthy and robust, and we were left to rest and recover in the hospital. Next came the feeding – he hungrily latched on to my breast, it hurt a bit but I wasn’t complaining. I was just amazed that he knew what to do.

But then things took a turn for the worst. He couldn’t get any colostrum from each feeding, my nipples wouldn’t cooperate (one decided to invert out of the blue) and he ended up with jaundice. The nurses were trying to help show me how to get him to latch, reminding me how important breast milk was and how inferior a choice formula would be. They were just doing their job, but man, did I ever feel like an utter failure as a mother. Most of the nurses were trying to support my decision to breast feed, and my family, seeing me struggle and struggle, tried to reassure me that if I wanted to give the baby formula it was perfectly fine.

I felt caught in the middle and felt so useless. First a c-section with no labour, then no breastfeeding? What was wrong with me? One of the most miraculous things about pregnancy and being a mother is getting to experience giving birth, I didn’t even know what a contraction felt like, then my baby had to be surgically removed from me because my body practically attacked him. Now, I can’t even feed him?

I felt totally ripped off and was so angry at my body, and everyone else who just couldn’t understand how I felt.

I really think that’s when my postpartum depression started, but to tell you the truth, I only recently realized this.

After our hospital stay, for weeks and weeks, I thought I had a really bad case of the baby blues. But thinking back to when we were finally home and rested, if someone even mentioned “Hey Jen, I think the baby is hungry,” I would have a hysterical cry-fest, and would scream at everyone for making me feel like a failure at being a new mom. Everyone was convinced it was baby blues, even my dad tried to comfort me and reassure me that these hormonal baby blues wouldn’t last very long and I’d feel “normal” again in no time.

Fast forward six months later, I was still feeling really sad, overwhelmed and extremely short on patience with everyone in my life. I was mad that my husband got to go to work while I stayed home alone with the baby. I was mad that my friends’ babies were older and sleeping through the night. I was mad that I had to spend so much money on formula, to watch this little baby spit half of it up on our leather couches. I got angry if the baby was fussy.

Then I’d get sad that I got mad. Then uncontrollable guilt would set in. It sounds so silly but it’s true. My emotions were literally all over the place. I fantasized about running away. I was the worst mother to ever walk the earth; surely everyone would live a better quality of life if I just packed my bags and ran away.

It was such a terrible emotion to be feeling when I wanted this baby so badly. I had everything I could ever want, a husband who was just amazing, a beautiful home, a dog, a baby boy, lot’s of friends, a crazy close family and a wonderful career. So why was I so sad, angry and ungrateful?

I thought it was just the adjustment of having a new baby and really didn’t think much of it until my mom and husband encouraged me to go see my doctor.

It came to no surprise to our family doctor that I was suffering from PPD, after all, she’d been keeping an eye on me each month as I brought the baby for his monthly check ups. I think she was just waiting for me to open up to her about how I’d been feeling. Looking back, she was probably going to just stage an intervention if the crying visits went on any longer…and I can’t say that I’d blame her!

As much as I was really upset and kind of ashamed to have PPD, I was happy to have such a sympathetic doctor who helped me to understand the different degrees and kinds of PPD. With the help of some medication, and my family’s encouragement to join a local postpartum depression support group, I finally had the tools I’d need to get myself some help.

I think the best part was how it felt to be able to just talk about it and be able to put a label on how I had been feeling. Knowing and understanding what I had (and it’s so common) made me feel so much better and optimistic about my road to recovery.

My little guy is two years old now and I’m expecting again. I’m due in September and while I am free from depression now, I know that the risks of getting PPD are a bit higher since I’m predisposed to it now. I’m scared about what my experience will be with a newborn and a toddler in tow, but, I’m hopeful that with the support of my family, friends and amazing doctor, I’ll be able to kick PPD in the butt once again if needed.

If there is someone out there reading this blog that thinks they might have PPD or maybe has a friend who is going through a tough time post-partum, here are a few links I found that have really helped me understand this condition.

Postpartum Depression – Canadian Mental Health Association
Baby Blues or Postpartum Depression? – Women’s Health Matters

Jennifer is communications professional by day/blogger and postpartum depression surviving full-time mommy always.  She’s a social media junkie, obsessed with coffee, blogging, celebrity gossip and online shopping. Visit her blog at http://morningcoffeeconfessions.blogspot.com.

Like many illnesses, postpartum depression expresses itself differently in each mom. There are signs we are told to look out for which the majority of mothers may have, sure. Ultimately, though, there’s enough variation in the symptoms that it can be confusing for both the mothers experiencing it andthose in a support role. To someone who doesn’t have training or a background in depression, the assumption may be that PPD is just an extended period of the baby blues.

Those of us who have experienced postpartum depression know better.

Jessica Porten is a mother from California who, according to her viral Facebook post, had been trying to see her OB for several months. When she was finally able to get an appointment at four months postpartum, she reported what she believed to be PPD symptoms to her nurse practitioner, who then called the cops. What followed was a nightmare of an ordeal that would’ve been terrible for anyone to go through, never mind a mother suffering from PPD. Once the police arrived, they escorted her, with her baby, to the nearest ER where she waited for 10 hours to be seen. When she was finally seen, it was by a social worker, not a medical doctor, and she was discharged without medication or a follow up appointment booked.

The key in this story is that Porten’s PPD symptoms manifested as rage and violent intrusive thoughts. Those are disturbing symptoms to hear about, but they are absolutely terrifying to experience. With that said, Porten made it clear that she felt completely in control and did not have any intention to carry out any of those thoughts.

Anyone who has studied postpartum depression should be aware of the widespread occurrence of these types of intrusive thoughts. In my own postpartum experience, the psychiatrists and social workers I saw would regularly ask if I was experiencing them, and how they manifested. I also experienced a lot of rage, and eventually it became too much to bear. It wasn’t until I was five months postpartum when I finally began taking medication that the rage began to subside. For me, however, the rage was never directed toward my baby. All of my intrusive thoughts that involved harm coming to my baby were as a result of accidental, unintentional harm

Life With A Baby’s founder, Claire Ziobin, had similar experiences with her intrusive thoughts. 

“…when my daughter was about 4 months, I fell on the stairs the night before. I immediately started thinking about what if Katelyn was in my hands, what if I had fallen on her, what if… this irrational fear that my daughter who I love and cherish  could be have gotten hurt played out in my mind in many ways. It led to irrational thoughts where I could picture myself falling down the stairs with her in my arms. This resulted in me spending a whole day on the main floor of our house until my husband got home because I did not want to be alone – in case I really did fall with her in my hand.”

For me, it was my fear of dropping the baby as I put him in his car seat, when it was already in the car. I would often ask my husband to do it for me, because I was so certain I would drop the baby. The gruesome images that played out in my head are ones that I never want to share, to this day.

Life With A Baby was created with the purpose of supporting new mothers during a time when a lot of their normal support network may not understand the complexities of postpartum mood disorders. In Porten’s case, she encountered a nurse practitioner who clearly didn’t understand the difference between postpartum depression and postpartum psychosis; for other women, it may be a case of their support networks not understanding how serious postpartum mood disorders can be. 

In the case of Janet (name changed for anonymity), a LWAB member, her own husband didn’t take her postpartum depression seriously:

“He said nothing is wrong with me and that I should just GET OVER IT. I decided that he would be my person for everything else but my depression. I had other supports in family and friends.”

Thankfully, Janet is now seeing a prenatal psychiatrist as she moves through her second pregnancy. A functioning support system can make all the difference to a mother who is suffering.

Porten’s experience might not feel like something that could happen in Canada, but the reality is it could. As of right now, maternal mental health screening is not a recommendation in Canada, which means there’s no guarantee your primary healthcare provider is looking for signs and symptoms of a postpartum mood disorder. Until that changes, expecting and new moms will need to take on the burden of advocating for themselves and looking for resources that will act as a support.

If you’ve been struggling and are afraid to approach your healthcare provider, either because you’re afraid you won’t be taken seriously or you’re afraid you’ll be taken too seriously, there are options. Here are links to a list of resources for each province:

Newfoundland and Labrador

Manitoba

Alberta

British Columbia 

Yukon

Nunavut

In 2007 when I had my daughter, I was alone and isolated, and I wanted to connect with others. Even more, I wanted to prevent other moms from going through what I did. I didn't have the support I needed, and that's how Life With A Baby was born, but it is sustained because of the over 500 volunteers that raised their hand and said, I, also, want to help; I, too, want to make a difference.

Over the past decade, the program Life With A Baby has helped more than 180,000 families online, and over 70,000 have participated in our in-person support programs.

I'm not sharing this to say - oh look what I've done - Yay me! I'm posting because it's proof that one person can start something that will make a difference in the lives of others.  Yes, ONE person can make a difference, but it takes a team of people to turn a big goal into reality.

Maternal mental health is my passion and my purpose. It drives everything I do. However, I cannot do it alone. It is bigger than one person, and it's also bigger than one organization. I love what we do at Life With A Baby but we can't and shouldn't be attempting to do this alone.

Moms deserve for us to work together with other organizations to change the way things are for moms who reach out for help. The stigma surrounding maternal mental health issues is killing moms and ruining lives.

This is a plea for even more help because we want to do more. As our program and our membership grows we need more and more help to continue the work of preventing moms from falling into crisis after they have a baby.

How can YOU help moms in your community through the Life With A Baby network?

I believe in the power of moms! This is a movement, and I want YOU to be a part of it.  Connect with us at info@lifewithababy.com to help

With an abundance of gratitude for all the community managers who make the Life With A Baby program possible.