My best friend came back to Canada a month ago to have her baby. As I’m writing this post, she’s in active labour, but we’re not sure when she’ll officially deliver. She's much earlier than her actual due date, which she was originally told would be mid October. She’s trying to hold out until her husband arrives tonight, but who knows if she can or can’t, I highly doubt it, but you never know right? As my physician whom delivered my first child gently said to my husband back on October 30, 2011 at 11:05pm “The baby will come out when the baby is ready.” A statement which was in response to my husband's radical demand that our first born be dragged out, if needed be, prior to midnight, because he didn’t want a Halloween baby. Heaven forbid if he did, right? Thankfully, his “worst nightmare” didn’t come true, our first born was delivered at 11:35pm, with lots of time to spare!

I've spent this past month spent with my bestie, and I think and hope, that I’ve been the support she needed in her last leg of her pregnancy journey. We talked every day, and I spent as much time as I could with her. She asked a lot of questions regarding anything and everything. Some things I remember very vividly, as if it had just happened yesterday, then there were other things I’d forgotten. To be quite blunt, I’d forgotten a lot of being a new and expectant mom, and it wasn’t even that long ago!

As soon as I reconnected with my bestie, I developed “phantom pregnancy”, for real! Ok, so maybe I’m super exaggerating and just using it as an excuse to join in on the cravings, which, I did of course. No phantom pregnancy, just pure personal gluttony at play, but it was fun for the short time, thankfully she’s delivering today, I think.

The bombardment of questions she had for me, might have seemed like an annoyance to the outsider, because they were a lot of times the same questions being asked, but just in a rephrased version. I reminded myself that I was once in her super-tight-fitting-because-of-crazy-pregnancy-bloating-shoes too.

If you’re the type to be naturally anxious and carry a lot of worry, no amount of reassurance from anyone that’s gone through what you’re about to go through can help, and that’s because your journey is not the same as anyone else, not even your mom. Even if you’re not naturally anxious, being a first time mom makes you that way, why? Because you’re creating a human in your belly, that’s a freaking big deal, and I’m sure every mother wants it cooked “just perfect”! You also get anxious because you have no control over certain factors of your pregnancy, things like Group B Strep, Diabetes, etc…they all seem very scary, because they come with certain risks.

As much as I tried to answer my bestie her questions of what I went through, I would always gently remind her that she must not use my examples as benchmarks for what she will go through herself. I told her all I was doing was simply offering my totally non-medically endorsed opinions, and that she should consult a health professional if she’s ever in doubt.

Throughout the whole process, I also stress to her, that it’s ok to listen to others opinions, but they are just that, opinions. She asks me for my guidance and advice, and I tell her that my only advice is to not take everyone’s advice as her own if she doesn’t feel they are in line with her choices and thoughts. Other people’s experiences and life choices are not the ultimate answer or solutions to her questions. When her baby arrives, she will be in many situations where she’ll have to take a stand, even from her own mother.  There are no judgments needed in any situation. Yes, we each have our own opinions, but we are not to shame each other for the choices we make. Unless it is a safety issue, I’m in no position to tell her what she is doing is wrong. I’m merely there to offer my viewpoints, and that’s it.

I’m going to be an auntie tonight or tomorrow, either way, the only thing my bestie and her husband needs to know is that their child is perfect the way he is!