Hey
Media & Parenting experts: Stop Telling Us We Are Doing It Wrong
When the Maclean's article
came out this past January, (The collapse
of parenting: Why it’s time for parents to grow up) I had to check in with
myself. Am I, as a parent, doing it wrong? Are they talking about me?
Because some of the behaviours described in the article are so generalized, I’m
sure we can all see our kids acting in the same manner.
I look at my kids who choose to go outside and play instead of sitting inside glaring
at their screens, who speak multiple languages, who are social, polite, and who
love to try new things. But they are also four and eight years of age and have
acted up at the mall or grocery store. I’ve had to walk out of a restaurant
with them because they were having a tantrum. NEWSFLASH: Kids have
misbehaved throughout every generation of parenting, not just this one.
And I get it, the article isn’t addressing me. Chances are, if you met me and
my kids, you would think I'm doing it right. Because you probably are
all caught up in the “good mom myth”. Even though you proclaim to not
judge what a good mom is based on generalized behaviours, YOU DO. Just
search parents ruining their kids on Google. You are judging us in
articles every day! I do get it, I am
not the demographic you are talking to, but I'm the one you are reaching; the
mom who is trying to be a better parent everyday, who reads books on parenting,
who is looking for ways to raise good citizens. This is who is reading
your articles, and you are not helping.
The parenting landscape has changed. That is all. Our mistakes and
challenges on the journey are more visible to you – THAT is all.
Kids in one generation are
not that much different from the other. The styles of parenting may look
different and may be more visible now, but just because you can see it more, that
doesn’t mean it was not that way to some extent before.
So instead of making blanket statements on how much we are ruining our kids,
and how wrong we are, write tips and strategies to help parents manage better.
All this article does is make
parents anxious while failing to reach the parents who are “doing it wrong”.
The people who are reading it and worrying are the moms who are already doing
enough and may now become worried they are doing it wrong.
We look
up to you, the media and parenting professionals. We read your books, follow
your advice and now we read from you how bad we are at parenting.
Writing
about it doesn't change behaviour, it's just another way of saying "I did
it better than you".
Tell us how
to do it right. Don't
tell us how wrong we are doing it,
tell us how to improve.
What are
you doing about it? Are you providing parenting education? Are
you running support groups? If all you are doing is harping on the
fact that we are doing it wrong, but doing nothing
about it, offering no resources, YOU are a part of the problem.
Some things to consider:
·
We are your children, the generation of parents who did it
"right" have children who are more prone to mental health challenges
than any generation before - so stop telling us how well
you did.
·
We are trying to do it right. We are trying to
do it differently than the way you did. The execution may be flawed in
your opinion but we have much less freedom with parenting that you did.
·
We are parenting in a time when people call the children’s
aid society or the police when a mom leaves her child at the park alone.
So try to remember that we are parenting in a completely different world than
the one you did.
·
We are parenting in a time when the parents are being blamed for
everything, whatever happens, it’s the parents’ fault.
·
You put a lot of pressure on us that we will ruin our
kids. In every article, in every conversation, you say how the generation
today is worse than the one before, which is scientifically incorrect. There
have been many changes and a tons of things we are also doing right. Even
for your standards, you have to admit we are doing a lot right.
Stop being so
judgmental, superior, and sure that you know the right way to parent.
Every generation will make mistakes. How lucky for you, the
generation previous to yours didn't have the ability to reach the masses and
guilt YOU into feeling like you were doing it wrong.