1. How would you describe yourself before having a baby?
In some ways, I miss the person I was before having a baby. Energized, active, able to travel freely, available to spontaneously change my plans on a whim.

In most ways, I don't miss that person at all. It was as if I was constantly chasing the next thing, instead of being present. Of absorbing the moment I was currently in.

Of appreciating my surroundings and my ground instead of constantly trying to fly to new territories.There's a giant void that's been filled by becoming a mother. I feel complete.

2. How would you describe yourself after having a baby?
As mentioned above...I think the word is Complete.

Becoming a mother has taught me endless lessons about patience, perseverance and courage... it has humbled me in more ways than I can count, and it has shown me how rewarding it can be on a daily basis. The love of a child is unlike anything else on the planet.  The motivation to succeed and overcome and grow with her by our side is the ultimate motivation to get out of bed every morning.  Our baby brings balance, calm, curiosity and energy that I've never experienced before. We're better people because of her.

3. What is one thing you miss about your pre-baby life?
Being able to get a full night's sleep. And I don't mean to sound cliché, but it is really true what they say that once a parent you never 'sleep' the same way again.

Every little noise in the night, every minor turn and twirl, I hear it. Even if she sleeps through the night peacefully, I could spend hours watching her through the monitor, on guard.

And I believe even if we had the night off, or took a trip without her, I wouldn't be able to sleep properly wondering how she's doing! Our life's mission is her happiness and safety.

Not to mention once she's a teenager and out in the middle of the night I can completely understand why parents lose so much sleep over their kids no matter the age! Hehehe.

4. What is one thing you wish someone prepared you for when it comes to Motherhood?
The complications of birth. I don't think anyone can truly paint a picture for you without completely scaring you into not having a baby. But... in hindsight, I think there are a few things we could have been better educated on as to how to interact with the medical system and push for the answers we needed to be able to have a less traumatic birth journey.

5. How has Motherhood changed you?
So much...in so many ways. I feel I am a better wife, daughter, sister, woman...because of being a mother. It is now, as a mother, that my own mama and I are closer than ever.

We understand each other as women, we share a common understanding of what it means to be a 'mother' - I relate to her in ways I could have never dreamed of.  Years of misunderstandings or feelings of resentment cleared up overnight once I realized the filter of parenthood guides so many decisions in our upbringing. 

I feel that even within my career and my work life - I am more patient and understanding, I choose calm before anger, and I try to do my best to encourage others to learn and share and discover new things.. just like our toddler would. My new mantra since she was born has been 'If I wouldn't say this to my toddler....why say it at all?' and I have found my conversations lead with kindness, grace and patience because of this. 

6. Do you feel like you have “balance” in your life and why?
Silly word. Balance. I feel that we are perpetually on a quest for balance. It changes, like a tide. It takes different forms and shapes.

I think the most important thing about finding 'balance' is defining what that means to you. And accepting that the definition will evolve over time.

To me, in this moment - balance is having the opportunity to creatively pursue what fuels me while making the time to be present for my family and its growth.

7. What helped get you through the postpartum transition into Motherhood?
Learning as quickly as possible that you need a tribe. That it does take a village. That you don't need to do it alone. It can become a really lonely place very quickly if you allow yourself to think that way.  I was diagnosed with pretty intense PPD and high anxiety after the birth of my daughter - and looking back now, without the support of our Doulas, the Healthy Babies program of Peel, and the Women's Mental Health program along with endless support from friends, families, and other mamas going through the same... it wouldn't have been the same.

8. Motherhood is hard. What gets you through each day, day after day?
Seeing life through my daughter's eyes. Her curiosity. The things that spark her interest. Seeing her appreciate the little things. Making something out of nothing. She inspires me to look for creativity in unconventional places. She pushes me to get out of my own funks and keep going. She brings out the best version of myself. Can't imagine life without her.

9. What makes you grateful about motherhood?
The incredible gift that is having been chosen to be her mommy - and watching her grow and fulfil her dreams to become whatever she decides to be.

10. What is one thing you would tell a new or expecting Mother?
It gets better. No really, it does. And the second you ask for help, we'll all be there to support.  You're never alone in this. 

It's okay to not feel okay about it all sometimes - but it's even more okay to accept that you need your village behind you to get stuff done!

The reward at the other end of the rainbow is absolutely beautiful.  To your child, you are perfect.

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