Life With A Baby is turning 10. To celebrate, we are excited to share with you insights from 10 different Moms, answering 10 questions honestly. 

Kim B.

Kim B is a mother of "two crazy boys", Brindle who just turned 2 (December) and Nolan who is 6 months (February).  She's from Everett a small town just south of Barrie.  She is self employed helping kids stay active, running not for profit soccer leagues, as well as helping families get the sleep they so need, and supporting parents through my Sleep Coaching business, "BabyZzz".  When she has time to tale a break, she enjoys taking some stress out on the ball hockey rink with a nice cold one afterwards.

  

1. How would you describe yourself before having a baby?
I guess you could say I was very career driven (always pushing for the next step in my career), hard working, and extremely organized.  I was definitely a "YES" women when it came to professional and personal relationships.  If things needed to get done, I would make it happen.  I had a fear of missing out ("FOMO" as I call it when talking about my kids, who clearly have it as well).  I was constantly on the go and kept very busy.  Always at almost every social gathering I was invited to, would head up planning tons of events with friends/family/coworkers, and involved in almost every aspect of the organizations I worked within.  Communication was huge for me, I was the main communicator, I feel like in every aspect of my life.  Working in the not for profit and sports world,  I didn't have your typical 9-5 job.  I put in most of my waking moments helping different not for profit soccer leagues run as smoothly and organized as possible.  It was a lifestyle for me, not just a job, and I too volunteered a ton of my time.  My husband luckily supporting this, and he kept busy volunteer coaching for a high level hockey team.  At times it felt like we barely saw each other, let alone sat down for a meal together.  It was all about keeping the kids in the community active, having fun, and reaching their dreams.  All the while making it as easy as possible on the parents to be able to allow their children to stay active, giving equal opportunity to every child.  I'm a true believer that sports prepares kids for so many aspect of adulthood.  There are many tools I learnt growing up playing sports that have been invaluable to me in my marriage, my friendships, during motherhood, and my working life.  There was a time in my life I didn't even think I wanted kids.  I had no clue how I would adjust my life to fit them into it.  I also was not confident what so ever in the skills that came along with being a mom.  I hated the thought of being pregnant and the things I would miss out on during pregnancy, but motherhood as well.  I didn't know how you could have a career, take time for yourself, keep a household going, and be a great mother, all at the same time.  This was a real fear for me.      

2. How would you describe yourself after having a baby?
I feel like I don't even know or remember the pre-baby Kim.  I have no idea how I got to become this new version of me during the process of becoming a mom, and really it's only been just over 2 years in this new role.  I love spending time at home with my family.  I would barely ever stick around the house before, was constantly out and about, and if I did have a night home, I didn't know what to do with myself.  I don't have as much of a fear of missing out on things, I guess because I feel like the most important things in my life are right in front of me, my two boys and my wonderful husband.  I'm all about relax time and down time, I don't fill my calendar months and months in advance, I look forward to that blank day to do nothing.  I've learnt to say the word "NO" in professional and personal relationships, and put the well being of my family directly in front of anything else.  I have motherly instincts, no idea how they came to the surface, as I didn't think I had any motherly abilities what so ever before, but they are very apparent now.  I appreciate the little things so much more now, and these little things stop me in my tracks, I take that moment to take them in when I can.  I would have never been interested before in helping/supporting mothers, but have recently started a business where I'm doing just that, and feel so much confidence in doing so.  I have huge dreams for this new business and really want to turn it into a huge supportive community for all things parenting, throwing judgement out the window totally.  I manage my time the best I can, it's no where near as efficient as I used to be, but I do what I can, when I can and try not to beat myself up over things that don't get checked off my to do list in a timely manner.  I'm super exciting for the years to come, watching my boys grow, and still forming into this new "after baby" Kim that I'm beginning to love.                       

3. What is one thing you miss about your pre-baby life?
I miss the feeling of being totally organized with all aspects of my life.  The freedom to stay late at work if needed to stay organized and on track, or get things done exactly when I want/need to get things done.  The freedom basically to do what I want, when I want personally and professionally.  The freedom to take that break for myself when things got stressful, unorganized and tiring, to refuel and help to be a better person moving forward.      

4. What is one thing you wish someone prepared you for, when it comes to Motherhood?
There is definitely a long list of things I wish someone prepared me for or talked to me about with regards to motherhood.  If I'd have to pick just one it would be "mom guilt" that is apparent each and every day.  It can be the littlest amount of mom guilt, from when you snapped back at your wee one for spilling cookie crumbs on the sofa, to a big amount of mom guilt surrounding leaving the kids for a weekend to head away on a much needed, long awaited time away with just you and your hubby.  Mom guilt comes in all shapes and sizes each and every day of motherhood.  I don't feel like we are prepared for it at all, and I'm not too sure how to help moms manage it fully, but I think throwing any sort of judgement to moms out the window would be a great start!

5. How has Motherhood changed you?
The changes have been night and day, I don't even recognize myself most days.  I'm still looking ahead at the next step in my career, but from a perspective that I want to support and provide for my children, and show them what hard work looks like all the while being flexible enough to be there for them when they need me.  My to do list definitely is longer then normal, as I'm not as productive to cross things off.  I'm not as organized, or have it all together like I used to, and some days that frustrates me like crazy.  I'm no longer a "plan months in advance"  girl, and more a plan 3-4 days ahead max.  I'm also totally OK with weekends or days when I have nothing scheduled in my calendar.  I don't feel confident as a mom what so ever, but there are times I feel more confident as a person if that makes any sense at all.  I feel so loved and supported, more then ever before.  Loved from my kids, more love & support from my husband, but the biggest change is the love, support, and deep connections I feel from my support system surrounding me.  This includes some great mom friends, the connection we have is unimaginable and the pre-baby Kim never ever felt connections like this.  

6. Do you feel like you have “balance” in your life and why? HECK NO!  I find it tremendously hard to juggle every single aspect of life and keep things in balance.  To as little as putting gas in the car or even putting out the garbage.  From job responsibilities, building a business, meals for myself and my family, grocery shopping, keeping up with the duties within my home, time for me and hubby, time to be there for and see friends/extended family, taking care of me time, and the list goes on and on.  Then on top of that you are trying to keep tiny little humans alive and healthy, giving them the best possible life you dream of for them.  I'm also constantly battling how I can provide for them, but be present for them at the same time.  This has definitely been a struggle for me trying to balance.  I keep saying I hope things will level out soon, when I get into a better routine hopefully I'll feel more balance, or maybe as the kids get older, it'll be easier to balance things out.  I really don't know if that will be the case though and don't see how things can change to become more balanced unfortunately.         

7. What helped get you through the postpartum transition into Motherhood?
This time seems to be such a blur and I guess I'm somewhat still in it with my second being just 6 months.  I feel like just taking one day, or even hour at a time is key.  Concentrating on what is important (your physical and mental health, and your kids).  Looking at what is right in front of you, while not trying to worry or stress about other aspects of your life that can be pushed off, or aren't as important in that moment of time.  It's been a life saver hiring a cleaner to come once a month to thoroughly clean my house, highly recommend this if possible as it's a huge stress relief.  I also prepped a ton of freezer meals and stalked up my freezer, meal prep is huge for me to be able to get through the weeks!  Keeping things simple, making sure to take even just 5 minutes for yourself to breath deeply, and not bothering with things that are not worth the huge effort/stress anymore.  My mom friends play a huge roll during this time period, always checking in on me, showing they care, and allowing you to be totally vulnerable, open and honest with one another, without any judgement.  I have mom friends who are at similar stages with their own children, and it helps venting to each other or chatting about day to day stuff that takes place.  I also have mom friends who have older children, they have been at this stage in life before, they have the expertise to give you great suggestions, but because their kids are older they can be a huge support as they have more flexibility and time to give.  Giving you breaks when you need it, reminding you how hard of a time it is and that it does get easier, making you a home cooked meal, or at get-togethers they have the extra hands to help with anything at all, even just baby cuddles.     

8. Motherhood is hard. What gets you through each day, day after day?
Knowing that there are little humans depending on me.  I have to keep pushing through for them, be there for them when they need me, no matter the time of day.  They are only little for so long, and knowing this, trying not to miss out on each stage.  Trying to enjoy it, take it all in, because it will be a distant memory in no time, and I will miss these days when they are gone I'm sure.  I live for my breaks as well, even 5-10 minutes of me time.  I find play dates with my great mom friends are breaks in it's self, and get me through the tough days and weeks.  I have to praise my hubby also, he truly helps a ton.  Having that team of mom and dad together as one, constantly tag teaming and being there for one another has been so amazing on those hard hard days.     

9. What makes you grateful about motherhood?
The unimaginable, deep connections I feel each and every day, with my husband, my kids and mom friendships.  I feel like I wouldn't have ever felt this level of connection with anyone, if it wasn't for having kids.  I know for sure before kids I didn't have it within most of my friendships.  My husband, and I have formed such a much deeper bond as well.  The happiness and excitement my kids show towards me every single day, when they miss me after they just got up from sleeping, or see me after being apart from one another for even just a few hours.  Seeing how your children form their own personalities and become their own self, knowing you have had a huge influence in all aspects of their life, and that personality they have grown into.  The feeling of wanting to strive to be the best version of myself for my family and provide the best possible life full of love, opportunity, and support for my kids.  

10. What is one thing you would tell a new or expecting Mother?
Hang in there.  The days will be long and hard, you will be exhausted like never before and want to give up so many times.  Lean on your support system, your village around you, as much as you can.  Don't try to be a "tough guy" and do it all alone, know you aren't alone and don't have to do it alone.  Try to take the breaks you need with as little GUILT as possible. 

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