Everyone talks about the labour.

 

When I found out I was pregnant with our first child back in 2011, it was a surprise. In fact, I didn’t even know I was pregnant until I’d past my first trimester. Right off the bat, we were “behind” schedule with the baby planning. We also got married, moved, etc, which is a whole other story to be shared another day.

 

We took part in pre-natal classes, and it was very informative. I knew right away that I would want to bypass all the water-soaking, yoga-ball-bouncing, home-birthing options. Epidural please!

 

When friends and co-workers found out, all of a sudden, there were stories to be shared. Even strangers that you’d met for the first time, they had their stories too. These stories were all focused on the same topic: labour.

 

So in my head, my biggest worry was labour. What if I can’t handle the pain?  What if I can’t get my epidural quick enough? Worse yet, what if the epidural doesn’t work, like it didn’t for Aubrey in accounting?

 

The day came, and the labour itself was so uneventful, when people ask me “How was it? How did you handle the pain? Did you go natural or epidural?” I just focused more on the fun part of “My husband almost got smacked by my doctor because he demanded that she deliver this baby in 45 minutes because he didn’t want a Halloween baby!” Because in reality, and I cannot speak for others, the labour wasn’t that horrible for me. 

 

Everyone talks about the labour.

 

But now that the labour is done, this is where it gets real.

 

I knew from the get go I wanted to breastfeed. For me, my knowledge of breastfeeding was “Well, I got breasts, just shove the kid’s mouth on my boobs, and that’s that!”. This was my first child, and everything I knew either came from other people’s mouths, or the pre-natal class. First hour postpartum, nurse comes and assists me with breastfeeding, I’m told “Put baby’s mouth on your nipple and keep her there.” Over the next 12 hours, I make attempts to feed my child. I gained insight that colostrum was what’s coming out of my breasts, and that it’s all the baby will need for the first day. I squeeze into my finger and I feed little droplets into her mouth. This assumption of “automatic born instinct “ for my baby wasn’t happening, why?

 

During my stay, a lactation consultant came to visit me. I’m told I have a flat nipple, so I’m given a nipple shield. The shield was awkward, and falls all over the place. Then I’m told my nipples were too big, so squeeze it into a sandwich so that my baby can grab it into her mouth better.  The hospital where I stayed had a recommendation of not discharging a mom that is choosing to breastfeed until she’s actually showing she’s capable. Being a former actor, I guess my performance was convincing enough for them to give me the go ahead to go home, because I certainly was not properly breastfeeding my child.

 

Once home, the next 24 hours would be the most tormenting for me. My baby cried non-stop. I would put her on my breast whenever she cried, and she’d nurse and then fall asleep, but then she’d wake up shortly after and cry again. I was emotional, when she cried, I cried. My husband asked me “Maybe she’s hungry?” and I would cry again because I’d just fed her, or so I thought, and I refused to believe she was indeed hungry. Finally her unstoppable cry took us to the emergency, because I thought something must be medically wrong with her. One of the nurses took one look at the both of us, and said to me “I think she’s hungry”. She left, and within 2 minutes came back with a bottle of formula.

 

I was mortified, in my mind, I’d made the decision that I was going to breastfeed, and no formula was going to taint my newborn child! But as the nurse begins to put the bottle into my baby’s mouth, I can see it with my own eyes that it was exactly what she needed, food. She was starving!

 

When we went home, my husband went straight to the local store and came home with a 6-pack of pre-mixed formula. I was angry, but I was at the point where I didn’t know what else to do. So I accepted the fact that she was going to have to be “dirtied” with formula. But I wasn’t going to give up on my mission to breastfeed. Before leaving the hospital, I’d been given a pamphlet and number to call to schedule to meet a lactation consultant. So that’s what I did. At this time, my breast began to feel engorged, but I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t properly breastfeed my child, so what am I to do with this milk that’s coming in? My mother, who didn’t breastfeed us, because she medically couldn’t, also didn’t know what to do, but she asked if there might be a way to collect the milk, like we do with cows. Thanks to the internet, I quickly discovered breast pumps.

 

I pumped and collected into a bottle then fed my child. This was a great temporary solution until I met with the lactation consultant, then all will be good! Or so I thought.

 

I met with the first lactation consultant 2 days after being discharged. We worked on techniques on how to hold my baby, and squeezing my nipple into a “sandwich”. This was all new to me, so I patiently followed. I’m given these techniques to go home to work with. I schedule another appointment for 2 days later.

 

I go home, everything I learned goes down the toilet. My baby smells my breasts and she starts crying, it’s like she’d been deeply offended by them. I see her being offended, and my hormones goes into hyper drive, I start crying. I continue to pump and feed her from a bottle, but not without a good 15-20 minutes of tormenting my baby in trying to get her to suck from my breasts.

 

Next appointment, I see a different lactation consultant. Same thing, nothing changes, again with the “sandwiches”.  I set up another appointment for a few days later.

 

I go home, again, same thing, I’m now getting very frustrated.

 

Everyone talks about the labour.

 

Why did NO ONE ever tell me breastfeeding would be so bloody hard?!?!?!

 

I’m at a point now where my nipples are cracking, and I’m bleeding. It’s so hard. I’ve never experienced pain like this.

 

Everyone talks about the labour.

 

Give me my labour experience 100 times, just take this breastfeeding pain away!

 

Next appointment, I see yet a different lactation consultant. This time however, is different. This lactation consultant notices something different. She noticed my child. She put her finger in her mouth, then looked at me and said “I think she’s having difficulty using the proper muscles to suck. I need to make a referral for you to see a fellow LC colleague, she specializes in more complicated situations like this.”

 

What did you say?

 

From the get go, we knew milk supply wasn’t the issue, because I’d begin flooding the clinic office as soon as I unclip my bra. I should have bought into Johnson & Johnson shares for their disposable breast pads. We knew my baby had trouble pulling my nipple out, because I had flat nipples, but that was what the nipple shield was suppose to do, to aid in these situations. I didn’t know there would be such a thing as my baby not knowing what to do.

 

So there began a journey of what became in my opinion the toughest task I’d ever had to do. I worked closely with my lactation consultant 1-2 times a week, for 10 weeks straight. My baby “graduated” at 12 weeks old and was finally able to feed exclusively from my breasts, and she continued to breastfeed until she was almost 2 years old. For the first 12 weeks of my baby’s life, I pumped exclusively. First, she didn’t know how to suck. Second, the ratio of her mouth to my nipple was off, she was too small, so she had some growing up to do. Third, she suffered from severe reflux, so it made feeding that much more difficult. Had I known that was going to happen, I would have invested in the double pump, instead of the single. My routine consisted of pumping, feeding her a little from the bottle, then putting my baby on my breasts to “practise” before she got mad, then we’d finish off with the bottle. I was very fortunate to have my mother with me at the time, so she was a big help in terms of looking after me, and my husband.

 

Everyone had their opinions on my decision to do what I did. Some criticized, some praised. Some had the audacity to make comments by saying “You’re an idiot, just give her formula and be done with it.” I’m not saying formula is forbidden, in fact, without formula, many infants would not survive. However, I didn’t have a supply issue, and it’s a known fact that breastmilk is the better choice, so if I have it, why not use it? While working with my lactation consultant, in the back of my head, I was prepared to have to pump exclusively for however long it was going to be. I made up my mind it had to be at least 6 months. I didn’t think we were going to be successful at it, but I persisted to keep going, and giving my child an opportunity to grow and learn. Eventually she mastered it. I wish I knew how difficult breastfeeding would be from the get go, because I think I would have been more mentally prepared for it. 

 

Our second child was born back in August 2015, and this time around, I was mentally prepared. For medical reasons, my baby had to stay for 48 hours after delivery. Once again, she wasn’t capable of breastfeeding, and I was ok with that. We fed 2 meals of formula, because of the engorgement waiting time, and the exhaustion in having to squeeze my milk into a spoon, then feeding it to her at the hospital. As soon as I went home, I busted out my breast pump and made an appointment to see a lactation consultant. We ended up having to be referred back to the same specialist and she sure as heck remembered me.

 

Second time around, I was much more relaxed. I knew my baby would need to grow into my nipples, so we practised, until she was 10 weeks and finally mastered the art of breastfeeding.

Nowadays, whenever a friend or a fellow new mom is expecting, I don’t care to talk about the labour much, because that’s what everyone will be talking about anyways. I want to talk to the mom about whether she wants to breastfeed, and if she does, I want to offer the support that she is going to need.

 

There’s a study out there that shows a significant amount of new moms give up on breastfeeding after only a few days. I think if there’s more focus on the resources available, perhaps more moms would feel the support in making the attempt. That’s not to say the mom needs to pull her hair out and go into insanity to do breastfeeding only, but that if it’s a possibility, at least let’s explore that possibility.

 

Everyone talks about the labour. Someone should talk about breastfeeding.