The following is a really funny blog post from one of my favourite blogs "
Organic Motherhood with Cool Whip". Naomi de la Torre shares her version of "Not Me Mondays". "Not me what--?" Read on and you'll see :-)
I Can Do Bad All By Myself
This is my version of “Not Me Mondays” from a wonderful blog that everyone should visit, MckMama.
I know it's not Monday. And I don't have the cool linky thing, cuz I'm
lame like that. But I want to participate even in all my low-tech
glory. So here goes…
I did not serve my children frozen corn dogs this morning for
breakfast, followed by a large helping of chocolate cake. Nor did I
tell them that it would be all right to eat said gourmet breakfast
directly on the living room carpet because I couldn't stand the whining
and wanted to blog. Not me. Not me at all.
I would never let my bathroom go months without a cleaning because I
am a fabulous housekeeper. I have never seen hairballs the size of
small goats roaming free beneath my toilet and munching small
cockroaches as snacks. I would never let the toothpaste scum in my sink
get so bad that I could no longer determine the color of the sink
itself.
I do not let my children deposit half-chewed foods and boogers into
my open hand. This is disgusting and completely unacceptable.
I did not find sixteen mummified cheese sticks under my couch when I
was looking for a lost bouncy ball the other afternoon. But if I did, I
would have put them immediately in the trash before my two-year-old
managed to snatch and gobble one of them whole. I did not call Poison
Control because cheese sticks, even when mummified, are still food.
I did not leave a carved pumpkin in front of my house for weeks
after Halloween was over until the pumpkin was devoured by green mold,
caved in upon itself, became a small furry ball, grew legs, and walked
away.
I was hallucinating when I thought I saw the pumpkin mold creature
lurking in the shadows of my sparkling clean bathroom last night. I did
not run. I did not hide. And I did not spray the imaginary monster with
Hot Shot Ultra Ant + Roach Killer because of course we do not need this
in our house as I am such a fastidious homemaker. I am not afraid of
the movie Monsters Inc. thanks to my imaginary run-in with the pumpkin
mold creature and did not get hysterical the other night when watching
this movie with my children and spray Hot Shot Ultra Ant + Roach Killer
at the TV.
I am not crazy and do not hallucinate on a regular basis. I do not
need to be put in a straight jacket. I just need a short vacation from
the madness and maybe … a housekeeper.
Can you relate? Oh, come on. We all have our days. And if you're a Martha Stewart clone, I apologize if this makes you cringe. You can stop reading if you haven't already :-) Here's a tiny bit from me. Now share yours!
I did not send my two year old to daycare in stripes and polkadots wearing all the colours of the rainbow just because she threw a tantrum. Her fashion sense would reflect on me and I can't have that. Besides, I absolutely have control over my children and never give in to their hysterical fits. Never.
-
Joannap.s. If you enjoyed the above post, visit
Naomi de la Torre's blog and drop her a line.
