Rules for Postpartum Guests
I got the following list from my
midwives
during my pregnancy. I find these quite humorous, probably because I
have heard stories from friends (new parents) of appalling behaviour by
their postpartum guests. One new dad told me that his in-laws insisted
on waking up their newborn every time they came to visit so that they
could hold him!
Below, I include the introductory note by the midwives that
accompanies the list. Enjoy, and pass these on to your expecting mommy
friends or better yet, to their friends and relatives (or yours if YOU
are expecting)! :-)
A NOTE TO POSTPARTUM GUESTS FROM THE MIDWIVES
Since
this mother and newborn are spending their first few precious days at
home together instead of in the hospital, there are no hospital rules
to prevent excessive or inappropriate visits. We outline here, some
fairly common sense "rules" for postpartum guests. Though we present
them with good humour, please take them seriously. Help to make this
postpartum recovery as smooth as possible.
DOs
DO
call before you come by, and arrange to visit at a time convenient for
the parents. Evenings, which may be more convenient for you, are
usually the worst time for parents.
DO keep our visits short. 15-20 minutes is good.
DO bring food offerings. Suppers particularly come in handy. You
may bring frozen dishes or plan in advance to serve an entire supper.
DO praise the new parents about their growing parenting skills.
DO offer your opinion when it is asked for.
DO offer to wash some dishes, to take home some laundry, to run the vacuum.
DO offer to look after older siblings.
DO respect the parent's need to do their own things their own way in their own time.
DO listen raptly to the birth story.
DON'Ts
DON'T bring the whole family and settle in for the afternoon.
DON'T accept offers of tea unless you make it and clean up afterward.
DON'T tell the parents that you hate the baby's name.
DON'T smoke.
DON'T give unsolicited advice.
DON'T expect the new mother to leave the room to nurse her baby.
DON'T ask to hold the baby. Wait for an offer.
DON'T visit if you are feeling even a tiny bit under the weather.
