Life With A Baby - No more cry-it-out!!

Monday, January 09, 2012 10:43 AM

Message # 790526

Michelle

http://babycalm.wordpress.com/2011/09/12/controlled-crying-miracle-cure-tough-love-or-dangerous-misunderstanding/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/denene-millner/cry-it-out_b_1163864.html

http://drbenkim.com/articles-attachment-parenting.html

Tuesday, January 10, 2012 11:17 PM

Reply # 791879 on 790526

Tatiana

1. What about colicky babies, who can cry for many hours PER DAY, unconsollably (despite their parents' earnests and instantly-responding efforts to soothe them), for months (up to 6 months even), which is *far* more crying than the crying during sleep training, in initial few days... are they all doomed to brain damage and ADHD? Some stats suggest that 1 in 5 babies are born with colic; do we see 1 in 5 kids/adults around us with ADHD, world wide?

2. What about the effects of *under-sleeping* for developing brains, from overly-frequent wakings, and not long-enough consolidated sleep cycles? Dr. Marc Weissbluth (author of the famous 'Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child' book, which is based on extensive research of sleep patterns of babies/kids/etc) suggests that poor quality/quantity of sleep in early stages can lead to behavioural issues including ADHD...

So, which of these paths to ADHD is the 'lesser of the evils' to choose, then...?

And which other factors that may contribute to a child developing ADHD or not that are not being considered in these hugely-stretching conclusions, such as amount of TV exposure, etc....

After 3 weeks, my son had acid reflux kick in, with screaming fits that'd last for hours , went undiagnozed until about 3 months (thanks to useless midwives for first 6 weeks, then a bad pediatrician who couldn't care less, and finally a nurse and new doctor who helped to get him proper relief with medication) which utlimately led to him refusing to sleep in his crib/basinet altogether.... between then and 4 months of age, he would only sleep in my arms during the day for all naps (in a dark bedroom), and co-sleeping with me in my bed at night (flat on his back next to me), where I'd use the breast to put him back to sleep every 1-2 hours. That is *not* normal infant sleep, he was *not* getting enough quality sleep, and it was just no way to live for everyone anymore... at 4 months we felt it was safe enough to try the sleep training on him (which, by the way, is not just 'cry it out no matter what' as it is often misrespresented - you do respond to babies, after 3-10 minutes, check if they are hungry/soiled/etc, but once all those needs are met, you need to put them down not totally asleep but drowsy/somewhat awake, so that they put themselves to sleep; yes, sometimes, in the initial stages, they will cry, as they've now gotten used to you doing it for them.) He took to sleep training very well, cried only for 30 minutes first night, 10 minutes next night, and none the third night. He didn't start sleeping through the whole night obviously, but his sleep times easily doubled right away, and eventually got longer and longer... he's now 15 months, sleeps for about 9-10 hours straight on his own, then cries out/calls out 'mama' for me around 4-5am, at which point I do still feed him and he'll sleep for another 1-2 hours... (he doesn't eat well during the day, so I figure that he might actually be hungry after 9-10 hours). He naps great too, 2 hours usually in the day.

I'm glad we did this sleep training for *him* (and not for 'parents' convenience' as these articles insultantly suggest), as I'm sure that benefits from the longer quality sleep far outweighed any 'damage' that might've happened during the first few nights (minutes) of crying during sleep training; it drastically changed his and our life. He is a happy, confident, and as well adjusted toddler as any other kid, still close to me and dad, still breast feeding at 15 months, and very smart for his milestones.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012 9:32 AM

Reply # 792170 on 790526

Michelle

Just wondering if you read all three articles? I am not being rude, it is just that you seem very offended by the ADHD aspect, which was not my focus (or intent in posting these articles) at all.

There was only one small reference to ADHD, which is that "...killing off of baby brain cells can lead to the higher probability of ADHD, poor academic performance and anti-social tendencies..." This, to me, is not only about the ADHD but rather the horrible idea of killing of baby brain cells, no matter what the outcome. ADHD is not the end of the world -- and I also believe it can be triggered by numerous other factors in a child's life, as you suggested.

Prolonged periods of crying WITHOUT being comforted leads to immense stress in a baby. As stress causes 98% (I believe that's accurate) of illnesses, it is for this reason that I do not leave my son to cry, in any capacity, sleep or otherwise.

In terms of colicky babies, it is my understanding that the crying in this case, while perhaps stressful as well, is not the same as being left feeling abandoned with the cry it out method. It is also clear in at least two of the three articles and other research I have done, that the alternative, in many cases, is much easier on both child and parent (ie rocking, snuggling, co-sleeping, etc) but is often ignored for fear of, oh, take your pick of a number of situations occuring (baby being "spoiled" or learning to "maniuplate" his parents, not becoming independent sleepers, etc.) None of which have proven to be true. In fact, children who are near their parents while sleeping and never have that feeling of abandonment during the first year of life are far more likely to be secure, independent and self-confident children and adults.

In any case, the majority of parents who choose cry it out as a solution to the baby not sleeping through the night are doing so without researching or understanding the actual theory, which I DO understand to be an actual method -- eg Dr. Ferber's method - which, while I would never do it, at least means the parents have put some thought and research into their sleep solution. It is the rest, who have simply heard the phrase "cry it out" and allow their children to cry themselves to sleep, simply to make their own lives easier, who really need to learn the damaging effects of this practice.

It is unfortunate that the issues of some young babies go undiagnosed, but I have learned through dealing with several bouts of young family members with cancer, that you must be you and your child's own advocate. If you think there is something wrong with your baby, find a pediatrician who will help you. Naturopathic doctors are also extremely knowlegeable and helpful if you can afford it, and often non-medicinal approaches are much less invasive for babies. Just a thought.

Michelle :-)

No more cry-it-out!!

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