How did having a baby affect your marriage?

  • Monday, February 02, 2009 1:21 PM
    Message # 91489
    Claire (Administrator)
    Lately I've been getting really annoyed at "little" things that my spouse does to the point where it become a huge thing. The thing is for everyone else it is a little thing, but for me, it's the annoying thing that has been happening for over a year.

    Does anyone else feel like their spouse thinks they are "the help"?  I'm having a huge problem with this right now.
  • Tuesday, February 03, 2009 8:56 AM
    Reply # 91891 on 91489
    Suzette
    Claire (Alexia) Zlobin wrote:Lately I've been getting really annoyed at "little" things that my spouse does to the point where it become a huge thing. The thing is for everyone else it is a little thing, but for me, it's the annoying thing that has been happening for over a year.

    Does anyone else feel like their spouse thinks they are "the help"?  I'm having a huge problem with this right now.

    OMG ! ! !  I'm glad I'm not the ONLY ONE with those feelings.  I've also been very short tempered with my husband on a lot of 'little' things that cause me 'BIG' annoyance.  I've had time to think though and realize this is just as big as a life change for him and he does help out a lot even though I feel I'm doing the lions share of the work and sometimes feel unappreciated.  With the arrival of our little darling, my husband suddenly stopped getting the loving attention he used to receive or at least very little as I always seem to be exhausted from caring for our son.  I've heard that a great many marriages end in the first year of having a child.  True it is a most stressful time.  So I guess we ladies have to realize we really have TWO babies: not one, and that both need our loving patience and understanding.  I'm sure if I just keep this in mind and remember my big guy too we will continue to raise our precious child together and grow old together as well as I always envisioned.

    Signed,
    Another frustrated mom
  • Monday, February 09, 2009 2:56 PM
    Reply # 103380 on 91489
    Dawn
    its been really hard for us too. we were only married for a year when our daughter was born so the easy fun of a new marriage was challenged by a pregnancy and all the fun that goes with it :) i have a hard time letting go sometimes... letting him be her daddy. thinking i can do it better. or that i know her more completely. my advice to you is let him learn. he got into this with you and wants to be there and involved. my husband has certain things that only he does now with our baby: feeds her dinner, nighttime bath, morning wake up before work. these are their special times together and its really helped us to see the value in the others skills. having said all that... he still drives me nuts! lol good luck!
  • Wednesday, April 01, 2009 6:17 PM
    Reply # 138656 on 91489
    Anonymous

    Not married yet but I find that because my fiance is going to work every day that I should take all responsibilies so he gets the rest he needs to make the money.  Baby is a month now and I am getting exhausted and feel like a single parent.  When he comes home from work he does offer to feed her but he will do it as long as he doesn't have to get off the couch.  so that means no getting the actual bottle/heating it up, or anything that requires him to get his feet off the coffee table while feeding.  I know that he loves her but I think I let him off too easy.
  • Thursday, April 02, 2009 8:41 AM
    Reply # 139049 on 138656
    Suzette
    Anonymous wrote:

    Not married yet but I find that because my fiance is going to work every day that I should take all responsibilies so he gets the rest he needs to make the money.  Baby is a month now and I am getting exhausted and feel like a single parent.  When he comes home from work he does offer to feed her but he will do it as long as he doesn't have to get off the couch.  so that means no getting the actual bottle/heating it up, or anything that requires him to get his feet off the coffee table while feeding.  I know that he loves her but I think I let him off too easy.


    Hey I'm sorry to hear that.  This is a very important bonding time with the baby and your fiance is really losing out.  The only thing I can think of is to keep trying to involve him in the baby's care.  How about in giving the baby it's bath?  Hopefully you will mobile soon and join some of us other mommies in meet-ups.  I found this to be my saving grace and it cheered me up as well as gave me confidence by being able to discuss baby things with other moms who had already been through it all.  Hopefully we'll meet you soon.  Chin up girl, you are not alone, we are all here to support each other.
  • Thursday, October 29, 2009 7:19 PM
    Reply # 237374 on 91489
    Deleted user

    The children bring so much joy and meaning in our lives, although sometimes (ok, way too many times) we would wish we could do some of the stuff we used to when we were just a couple. 

    Having kids dramatically changed our lives with that our approach to everyday challenges.  Instead of fighting it we embraced it.  And instead of power struggling we made love (make-love-not-war, silly! ;-D   Ok, moving on. 

    We learned to respect each other’s limitations and acknowledged the things we love and hate to do.  And to make things a little easier to chew and swallow we made our weekly calendars in sync and practically allowed personal time for ourselves and him/myself.  This creates flexibility and availability to look after the kids and with the housekeeping. 

    I try not to take things too seriously but when it does get into my nerves and temper/hormones act up, I choose to stay away from the cause and do somethin’ else, get some fresh air, or splash some cold water on my face.  Marriage & family life is, by all means, a partnership and a lifestyle.

    :::Nina (wife and mother to 3)